Monday, January 23, 2012

Remembering What Lonely Feels Like

Tonight Halcyone was in bed at 7:30, and Tom was in bed with a headache before 8. Goodness! I know most people would jump at a night at home "alone," but wow it's not what I enjoy. I know the sleep is necessary for both Tom and Halcyone, but it is so lonely at the other end of the house!

I'm remembering what it felt like when Tom was at school late, working on those obnoxious group projects late at night, or at home trying to get through a mountain of homework. I'm remembering what it felt like when we really wanted to have babies tumbling around, but couldn't. I'm remembering what it felt like to be the married girl that the singles weren't thrilled to invite to their girls night.

I really like to have someone else in the room with me. Yes, I have Gilmore Girls playing, but they aren't real people. I like to have something that needs to be done. Believe me, our house is super tidy right now. I've finished washing and folding the laundry, sweeping and vacuuming, and the kitchen is all sparkly.

This makes me think about the future too. What if our next embryo transfer doesn't implant? What if Halcyone is our only kiddo? That's only about 18 years at home. I'll be sooooooo lonely! What if Tom has to work late often? What if the headaches persist? What if something happens to one of them?

That brings me right back to where I was three years ago. Jesus is my forever-present, comforting, always-inviting Friend. He doesn't leave me sitting at home alone, trying to decide which creative project to start. I can talk with Him about anything and He understands. How can I forget this?!

Alright, I'm off to start a serger cover or a crochet bunny or something.

1 comment:

  1. You rock. I so get you, and this feeling.

    I feel guilty for forgetting Jesus always sitting in the room with me, and so needed the reminder tonight!
    Thanks!
    d

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