Monday, September 5, 2011

Infertility: Revisited

It's still hard. Really.

People complain about their kids. Parents playfully offer their unruly kids up for free to whomever will take them. Pregnant moms whine about being fat. New moms go on and on about not getting enough sleep. Parents of teenagers and younger adults tell you to enjoy the little years because you'll hate your kids in a couple more years.

They just don't see the incredible blessing.

Every time I hear one of these complaints I want to scream at the person. We can't just decide to have a baby. Many people can, or think they can. Actually, it's God who decides that.

There have been times I've felt overwhelmed by something that has happened with Halcyone. There have been plenty of nearly sleepless nights and fussy days. But that doesn't mean I need to turn my bad day into someone else's bad day. It doesn't mean I need to update everyone every hour with how it's not getting better. It doesn't mean I need to complain about the beautiful blessing God has entrusted us with.

A few weeks ago I was invited to a cousin's baby shower. I almost didn't go because there was the potential for 3 pregnant cousins to be there. I don't have anything against the cousins, it's just hard to see them all so excited and happy about something that I'd like. It's not fun to feel left out, when it's not something I've exactly chosen. A day or so before the shower I was talking with my sister about expectations, attitudes, and imposed feelings of punishment. She was frustrated because she had expected something that didn't happen and felt like she was being punished. That's when I realized I was in the same boat. I expected to have several kids by now. I was letting it affect my attitude too much that week. And I was contemplating not going to the baby shower, imposing the punishment on the poor unknowing cousins, because I didn't want to go and feel sad. My sister and I reminded each other that Jesus knows what we think would be ideal and holds our breaking hearts in the meantime. Tom and I talked and decided it would be best for me to go to the shower. He suggested I take Halcyone with me so I could snuggle her when I started to feel sad. She and I went and had a very fun time together. It was hard and sad for me to be there, but Jesus helped me through.

I need to continue to work on my attitude and trust Jesus with the future. But.... It would also be nice if people realized how much complaining about their kids or the effects of their kids are really uncalled for. (Besides, no one wants to listen to a whiner.) According to the Center for Disease Control, 12% of women in the United States deal with some form of infertility. That means that more that at least 1 of every 10 females you know will likely struggle with conception at some point. That's a lot.

Think of it like this. If you have a friend who is a recovering alcoholic, you don't take them to a bar. If you have a friend who can't have children, don't spend all of your time complaining about your kids.


  1. It's always nice to have a reminder of what incredible gifts our children are. Thank you for that. You are always in my prayers, Stacy.

  2. Great share friend. I have read all your post here and found it interesting to read. In fact i was able to take note all of the valuable information i was gathered. Thanks


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